The “Slow Magic” of Patience and Consistency
Photo by Ivan Samkov from Pexels
Change is hard.
My gym has been packed the last few weeks, with new faces in the new year. And while I really hope the newcomers stick with the healthy changes they’re making, inevitably, I expect my early morning workouts will be quiet once again very soon.
While New Year’s Resolutions can be effective up to one year later if framed up in the right way, very often they are not. We quit. And we blame ourselves.
But … we think about how to change our behavior all wrong.
I love an example from Atomic Habits by James Clear to illustrate this point.
He asks you to imagine an ice cube sitting on a table in front of you in a 25 degree room.
He describes increasing the temperature, heating the room, to 26, 27, 28 degrees. Nothing happens.
29, 30, 31 degrees. Still nothing happens.
At 32 degrees, the ice begins to melt. Clear writes, “A one-degree shift, seemingly no different from the temperature increases before it, has unlocked a huge change.”
He continues, “Breakthrough moments are often the result of many previous actions, which build up the potential required to unleash a major change … habits appear to make no difference until you cross a critical threshold and unlock a new level of performance.”
Clear describes that we expect “to make progress in a linear fashion and it’s frustrating how ineffective changes can seem during the first days, weeks, and even months. It doesn’t feel like you are going anywhere. It’s a hallmark of any compounding process: the most powerful outcomes are delayed.” [emphasis added]
“Slow magic”
In pursuing my own goals, for fun and whimsy, I’ve been calling this process of change “slow magic.”
Think transformation that gradually happens over time, unseen, if you allow it to do so.
It might feel like one day you wake up and, magically, you see progress. But, the magic - the slow magic - was happening all along … you just couldn’t see it. (Remember the ice cube.)
I’ve found, in so many areas of my life, that if I consistently show up day after day, I make progress.
But, if I hand the reins over to (inaccurate, defeatist) thinking, I will convince myself that what I’m doing isn’t working because I can’t yet perceive progress; so I stop showing up, interrupting the slow magic at work, and prove my negative (inaccurate) thinking correct … that “this isn’t working,” that “I can’t do this,” “this is pointless” …
How to stop getting in your own way, or, How to allow for “slow magic”
Pick a goal.
Create a plan to achieve that goal.
Stick to the plan.
Easy, right?
Yes … and, also, absolutely not.
What impedes us from actually completing these “simple” steps?
Many things … but also one big thing: our thinking is a huge culprit. And it’s the third step, the execution, where our thinking trips us up.
So, how do we consistently show up, day after day, and make progress?
FOCUS ON YOUR THINKING: the way you think translates into changes to behavior
Create a meaningful goal, anchored in the ‘why’ (i.e., I want to hike hilly, rocky trails into my 80’s) not the ‘how’ (i.e., I’m going to work out five days a week) or the ‘what’ (i.e., I’m going to lose 20 pounds).
Also, be careful of having your ‘why’ be rooted in appearance, external validation, or the perception of others; such factors do not motivate, encourage, or build you up.
Then, use your powerful, meaningful ‘why’ as motivation to show up.
Trust and believe in yourself. Challenge self-doubt. Allow your confidence to build with small wins.
Identify and challenge negative thinking, particularly about your progress, and particularly defeatist all-or-nothing thinking. (Remember the ice cube - the progress may be happening even though you can’t see it.)
Don’t expect results right away. James Clear has it right: the most powerful outcomes are delayed.
AND THEN, EXECUTE:
Choose behaviors that align with your goals. But, then choose a reasonable starting place.
And, keep in mind that your starting place may necessarily need to be the smallest possible step forward (i.e., you want to lose 100 pounds? you may need to start with 5 squats each day).
Consistently perform that behavior. But, if you can’t consistently perform it, you must reduce the ask, choosing a smaller step forward, building consistency before asking more of yourself. Otherwise, it is not sustainable.
When you inevitably miss a day, or a week, or two weeks, give yourself grace. And, simply start again.
“What else could change if I gave it a little more time?"
This is a quote from a client. A client that committed to the exact process described above, and has made incredible slow and steady progress: slow magic.
How many of us falsely believe we are “quitters,” that we “can’t stick to anything,” that we’re simply unmotivated or, worse, lazy?
It’s not true. We’ve just gone about it all wrong.
Try this instead:
Align your goals with powerful, internal whys.
Set extremely small goals so you actually have a chance to commit to them and perform them consistently.
Don’t expect progress. Instead, expect delayed outcomes. Double, or triple, how long you think it will take you to reach your goal.
Respond with self-compassion instead of self-criticism.
And, ask yourself, what could change if I just gave it a little more time?
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