RTF Reads: The Monster at the End of this Book
Did you read this book as a kid? I remember loving this book! But now, as an adult, and particularly as an anxiety therapist, I see it through a fresh perspective.
Image of the cover of the book, The Monster at the End of This Book, by Jon Stone
It is no secret that there is a monster at the end of this book. Going in, we know to expect a scary ending. And, throughout the book, lovable, furry old Grover from Sesame Street, begs and pleads with you not to turn the pages. He ties knots, nails boards together, and builds a wall out of bricks, all efforts to prevent you from reaching the scary, terrible monster at the end of the book.
But … then … he reaches the end, and he sees that he is the monster at the end of the book! He sees that there is nothing to be afraid of. He says, “And you were so scared … I told you and told you there was nothing to be afraid of …” And, then he says, “Oh, I am so embarrassed…”
What a perfect illustration of the efforts we expend and the lengths that we will go to avoid our fears, avoid uncomfortable feelings, and try to control the uncontrollable! The begging, the pleading, the tying of knots, and the building of walls … all avoidance behaviors, and all for naught. Rather, these efforts fed the fear, increasing Grover’s anxiety, to a fever pitch. By the end he is crying and sweating, and begging you not to turn the final page (“Oh, I’m so SCARED! PLEASE do not turn the page. PLEASE. PLEASE. PLEASE.”)
And, in the end, there was nothing to fear. While there was a monster at the end of the book, it was not as scary as he thought, he could handle it… and then he was embarrassed by his behavior. I hear this sentiment from my clients all the time!
When considering the formula for anxiety, please remember:
there is often (but not always) a trigger, something that serves as the impetus (an upcoming trip, a physical sensation or symptom, a difficult conversation)
your thoughts about the trigger or worry activate a nervous system response, and create the anxiety, because you’re engaging in irrational, anxiety provoking, even catastrophizing thoughts,
you then feel anxious, emotional and likely physiological anxiety, and
then, in response those feelings you engage in a behavior, and very often those behaviors are chosen to try to control things you can’t control, answer questions you cannot answer, and avoid uncomfortable feelings, and these choices, just as we see with Grover, exacerbate and maintain anxiety rather than make it go away as we hope
Turns out we can continue to learn from Sesame Street even now …
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Please note: this newsletter is disseminated for informational and educational purposes only and should not, in any way, be construed as medical, psychological, or therapeutic advice. Please be certain to check with your physician or personal therapist with regard to whether these suggestions are appropriate for your individual situation.